it has to be them

You know, it's a funny thing, to want. And I'm not talking about wanting something material but instead wanting something for someone else that they don't wish to achieve for themselves.


A friend of mine and I were recently talking and came upon the topic of my mother's alcoholism. He asked me "why can't you help her?" and I told him that I have and do but it doesn't matter because she doesn't want to help herself. He then asked me, well "what's next?" and I replied "letting go" because if I don't I fear that my constant stressing and worrying about the next time I'll find her blitzed will land me in the same position she's currently in. He then proceeded to tell me "I know you've been through a lot but this is your mom killing herself" And the thing is he's right and I know that. And I see where he's coming from but there is just one problem.


I can want to help with all of my power, love and time, but if the person I am trying to help, doesn't want to take it upon themselves to make a decision with me to help themselves then all I can offer is lost. It doesn't matter how bad you want something for somebody, if they don't want it for themselves you can't do anything about it. 


This goes for other things in life as well. You can give all the advice you want to someone and carry on kicking and screaming but until they recognize that they need to make a change for themselves regarding whatever it is you will remain completely and utterly powerless. And to force something, is to just push them farther away. And it doesn't matter how obvious it is to you, it's all in what they WANT to see.


It's one of the hardest lessons I think a person has to learn, but it is reality.


It's not that we've all given up on the ones we love, it's just we can't be a part of them hurting themselves anymore and so we will wait patiently for them until they SEE the truth of what their lives have become and when they allow themselves to receive help, we will be there thankful at last.


until next time, encourage, but realize the choice is not your own.