It never struck me until recently..
It is possible that there is nothing more beautiful than music.
Of course I think this never really occurred to me before because I never really felt the music I used to listen to... I just thought that it is music no big deal. You listen to it, you dance to it, but in the end the song is over right?
Wrong.
Every person needs to have music in their lives. It is incredibly lonely, and sad without it. I can't believe some people can actually carry on their lives without it.
The thing that really amazes me about music that I never realized is that each song is a feeling, an experience, or something unique to the person who plays or sings it, and when they do so there is a direct connection between you and them because the feeling that the music is giving you is the feeling that the person is feeling while they are performing. That is why I think live music gives an even greater impact. Seeing a show and watching that person go up on stage and take the audience on a journey. You are taken through that persons vibrations and you feel what they are feeling. The sense is euphoria.
The music IS that person, it IS their vibes and it's truly chilling some feelings that music can give you. I know that if i'm ever having a bad day, I put on that one song... and its incredible. The music does what no one could do, it literally lifts your soul and floats you around on its melody.
I love to share these types of songs with people. The songs that feel so good all you can think is oh my god, some one else HAS to know about this, they HAVE to feel this.
Sometimes I think about what it must be like to be a preforming musician. And sometimes I like to think about what a concert actually is. You know, it's all these people who have all this stuff going on in their lives and they come to this one place to see this one person or group of people and to just leave everything and escape and have a pleasurable time. And it's up to this musician or musicians to deliver that relief.
And if you've got someone who really feels it who can really get it started, you enter their groove and the other people around you enter the groove and everyone is there collectively grooving together in sync and I just think that there is nothing more beautiful than that collective mind.
I'm getting the chills just thinking about it right now.
Music can fix anything in your life that is emotional. It can get you through the tough times and it makes the best of times even better.
Music makes our lives go round. And sometimes I listen to music with my headphones on and i'm walking down the street and that music is the soundtrack to my life. It is how I feel, it depicts my life as it is in that moment and the satisfaction it produces is grandiose and people just take it for granted. I know I used to be one of them.
But we can't. Every note is worth appreciating. Every note is part of the person playing it and because of songs and recording all of those feelings poured out in the one song that will never come out the same way again is preserved forever so the magic can be revisited when you need it. It is pure, untouchable, incorruptible spirit.
So until next time, listen to the beauty of another with your mind, body and spirit.
2.28.2010
2.16.2010
ehifioehf--i got nothin
Why is it that the moment I go to blog all thoughts leave my head? That really irritates me you know? I'll be like driving along or walking along depending on where I am and i'll have these thought processes that are long and exquisite and they're really rad and then the minute I sit down to remember and write any of them BOOM they're gone.
So then I sit here and I stare at this blank page and go "Fuck. I have nothing to write." And that sucks because it's bad enough people don't read my blog as it is, now I can't blame them because I literally have nothing to say. And then I think wow man, thats sad, how could I not have anything to say? Really Nothing? Yep.. still nothing.. and so I look around my desk where my laptop sits and try to conjure up ideas, which results in...
-candles, flowers, colors... AHHHH
So here I sit and I'm mad at my brain for squirreling away all my good ideas for times that I can't write them down! LA LA LA...Still nothing.
And my computer keeps messing these fonts around on me and that's also irritating. Wow and you know what? If you are still reading up to this point then you must really be a good friend because if I was you I probably would have left by now since all I've said with all these characters is absolutely nothing over and over again..
And then AHA! a thought... just as I was giving up hope.. of my friend Cody.. whose birthday is tomorrow.. Happy Birthday Cody.. if you're reading this.. which you probably aren't but anyhow, we had a real interesting conversation recently about language and its lack of life. Like all these little characters like this t that I'm typing or that y and how language is just a tool of society, which we use to try and realize our reality.. which is a really confusing concept in itself and he knows cause I'm pretty sure we were confusing the hell out of each other and then all that reminded me of this film (and i'm going to say film cause it sounds more cultured and this is in fact a documentary) called "Waking Life" by Richard Linklater and there's a part in the movie where a women talks about language and how it is dead.
She says something to the effect of.. We were isolated so we as man created language as a way to transcend our isolation and so it started out as sounds like way back when if you wanted to warn someone "saber tooth tiger behind you!" we came up with a sound for that.. and so on and so on and so we have this modern language or that's what it claims to be but it fails in a way because 1 word will not have the same meaning for 2 different people unless they shared the meaning of that word together.. do you follow? So I can say LOVE and your mind reacts and goes through memories of "love" and "lack of love" and you say that you understand, but how can I know you understand because the truth is that our experiences of the word are different.
So you know what? I say fuck this language shit. People shouldn't be allowed to talk anymore you know why? Cause if we weren't allowed to talk a lot of our other senses would get stronger and instead people could read on VIBES because vibes are real and they can't lie the way that I can with these words that come out of my mouth. You dig? So why don't we all just start being silent.. we're probably get less annoyed with peoples lack of intellect too.
It's not going to catch on is it?
Yeah.. I didn't think so.. Oh well At least I had a thought cause that's what all this was about! hahaha
Until next time.. GIVE ME SOME IDEAS YOU PEOPLE WHO READ ALL THE WAY DOWN HERE GOD DAMNIT!! (Truly love you for it though.. really)
So then I sit here and I stare at this blank page and go "Fuck. I have nothing to write." And that sucks because it's bad enough people don't read my blog as it is, now I can't blame them because I literally have nothing to say. And then I think wow man, thats sad, how could I not have anything to say? Really Nothing? Yep.. still nothing.. and so I look around my desk where my laptop sits and try to conjure up ideas, which results in...
Failed Ideas:
- too much of a good thing can be a bad thing... like who hasn't heard that before.
- everything happens for a reason-- while true, is too cliche.
-victorias secret fashion show ticket- while noteworthy.. nahh
-rejected textbook.. snoozefest -candles, flowers, colors... AHHHH
So here I sit and I'm mad at my brain for squirreling away all my good ideas for times that I can't write them down! LA LA LA...Still nothing.
And my computer keeps messing these fonts around on me and that's also irritating. Wow and you know what? If you are still reading up to this point then you must really be a good friend because if I was you I probably would have left by now since all I've said with all these characters is absolutely nothing over and over again..
And then AHA! a thought... just as I was giving up hope.. of my friend Cody.. whose birthday is tomorrow.. Happy Birthday Cody.. if you're reading this.. which you probably aren't but anyhow, we had a real interesting conversation recently about language and its lack of life. Like all these little characters like this t that I'm typing or that y and how language is just a tool of society, which we use to try and realize our reality.. which is a really confusing concept in itself and he knows cause I'm pretty sure we were confusing the hell out of each other and then all that reminded me of this film (and i'm going to say film cause it sounds more cultured and this is in fact a documentary) called "Waking Life" by Richard Linklater and there's a part in the movie where a women talks about language and how it is dead.
She says something to the effect of.. We were isolated so we as man created language as a way to transcend our isolation and so it started out as sounds like way back when if you wanted to warn someone "saber tooth tiger behind you!" we came up with a sound for that.. and so on and so on and so we have this modern language or that's what it claims to be but it fails in a way because 1 word will not have the same meaning for 2 different people unless they shared the meaning of that word together.. do you follow? So I can say LOVE and your mind reacts and goes through memories of "love" and "lack of love" and you say that you understand, but how can I know you understand because the truth is that our experiences of the word are different.
So you know what? I say fuck this language shit. People shouldn't be allowed to talk anymore you know why? Cause if we weren't allowed to talk a lot of our other senses would get stronger and instead people could read on VIBES because vibes are real and they can't lie the way that I can with these words that come out of my mouth. You dig? So why don't we all just start being silent.. we're probably get less annoyed with peoples lack of intellect too.
It's not going to catch on is it?
Yeah.. I didn't think so.. Oh well At least I had a thought cause that's what all this was about! hahaha
Until next time.. GIVE ME SOME IDEAS YOU PEOPLE WHO READ ALL THE WAY DOWN HERE GOD DAMNIT!! (Truly love you for it though.. really)
2.06.2010
Nostalgia
I love to remember good memories. There are few times when a human being can truly feel high, and no I don't mean drugs this time, but high as in a higher level of consciousness, and I think that feeling can often be found locked into the memories you may consider as your best.
I don't know what it is, but anytime I replay a meaningful event in my life, a pleasant one of course, this feeling of contentment just overwhelms me.
Aha! Something has just occurred to me. Someone once told me "Our lives pass in a blink of an eye, and it should always be the good memories we dwell on and not the bad" While that has always made sense, it makes even more sense now. Why is it that people would rather make themselves miserable over and over by remembering what happened that was so bad. It is much more satisfying to think about the moments when you were the happiest. Not only does it feel better, but I think it could also give great insight about what really makes you happy. Sometimes the memory doesn't even have to be a person. It can be a sight, a song, a scent. All of these things can be so perplexingly beautiful.
Memories also hold a special kind of power in the fact that they allow us to revisit our pasts and reveal to us who we once were, while showing us who we have become. They are like photographs only better because they hold that unquestionable feeling of experience to which all others forms of understanding are incompetent- hence the saying "I guess you had to be there"
My goal I think is that the next time I get upset about something, I am going to think about sometime where I was happy instead, and I will let that feeling of content fill me rather than let the negative feeling rip me apart.
Until next time, remember all that is good.
I don't know what it is, but anytime I replay a meaningful event in my life, a pleasant one of course, this feeling of contentment just overwhelms me.
Aha! Something has just occurred to me. Someone once told me "Our lives pass in a blink of an eye, and it should always be the good memories we dwell on and not the bad" While that has always made sense, it makes even more sense now. Why is it that people would rather make themselves miserable over and over by remembering what happened that was so bad. It is much more satisfying to think about the moments when you were the happiest. Not only does it feel better, but I think it could also give great insight about what really makes you happy. Sometimes the memory doesn't even have to be a person. It can be a sight, a song, a scent. All of these things can be so perplexingly beautiful.
Memories also hold a special kind of power in the fact that they allow us to revisit our pasts and reveal to us who we once were, while showing us who we have become. They are like photographs only better because they hold that unquestionable feeling of experience to which all others forms of understanding are incompetent- hence the saying "I guess you had to be there"
My goal I think is that the next time I get upset about something, I am going to think about sometime where I was happy instead, and I will let that feeling of content fill me rather than let the negative feeling rip me apart.
Until next time, remember all that is good.
2.01.2010
I don't know
So it's been quite awhile since my last entry.. I guess that's what a break can do to you.
Anyway this time I want to talk about decisions that ultimately lead you where you eventually end up. You see one day I'm driving on that one road that I know so incredibly well, so well in fact that i could probably drive it with my eyes closed, and it is an unbelievably gorgeous day, the sun is high and the sky is blue and then that amazing feeling comes over me. You know the feeling I'm talking about. It's that feeling you get when everything is going your way, or that feeling you get listening to that one song that is so meaningful to you. It is incomparable to anything except for maybe a drug... and just then a thought slips into my mind. That thought being "Am I making the right choices in life?"
Now, I don't mean good choices as in stay away from the bad people, and study hard and work hard but I mean choices like did I make the right choice for colleges? Is this going to take me where I eventually want to be? It's a scary feeling... the unknown. I mean one could make himself sick going over it again and again in his mind.
Well I guess I don't know. Maybe you just have to go with your gut. I hope I've made a wise decision.
It's also a funny thing that sometimes the thing you think you want most in life turns out to be no where near what you end up wanting. It just takes time living what you thought you wanted just to find out it really doesn't make you any happier.
I'm starting to think that it really is the simple things in life that make you happy and it's not material at all. It's so funny how backwards a view can be until you finally begin to see clearly. And I mean really SEE. Sometimes I feel that people in general look and they say they see but do they really SEE? See the truth that is. A situation or a person for what or who it really is? I'm not sure. I think our world needs to pay better attention. We all need to OPEN our eyes and really see what this life is and then we can ask ourselves. Is this the right choice? Is this really what I want? And ultimately, am I happy?
Until next time.. are you happy?
Anyway this time I want to talk about decisions that ultimately lead you where you eventually end up. You see one day I'm driving on that one road that I know so incredibly well, so well in fact that i could probably drive it with my eyes closed, and it is an unbelievably gorgeous day, the sun is high and the sky is blue and then that amazing feeling comes over me. You know the feeling I'm talking about. It's that feeling you get when everything is going your way, or that feeling you get listening to that one song that is so meaningful to you. It is incomparable to anything except for maybe a drug... and just then a thought slips into my mind. That thought being "Am I making the right choices in life?"
Now, I don't mean good choices as in stay away from the bad people, and study hard and work hard but I mean choices like did I make the right choice for colleges? Is this going to take me where I eventually want to be? It's a scary feeling... the unknown. I mean one could make himself sick going over it again and again in his mind.
Well I guess I don't know. Maybe you just have to go with your gut. I hope I've made a wise decision.
It's also a funny thing that sometimes the thing you think you want most in life turns out to be no where near what you end up wanting. It just takes time living what you thought you wanted just to find out it really doesn't make you any happier.
I'm starting to think that it really is the simple things in life that make you happy and it's not material at all. It's so funny how backwards a view can be until you finally begin to see clearly. And I mean really SEE. Sometimes I feel that people in general look and they say they see but do they really SEE? See the truth that is. A situation or a person for what or who it really is? I'm not sure. I think our world needs to pay better attention. We all need to OPEN our eyes and really see what this life is and then we can ask ourselves. Is this the right choice? Is this really what I want? And ultimately, am I happy?
Until next time.. are you happy?
12.16.2009
Way of the Peaceful Warrior- a book that changes lives
A few days ago I finally had time to finish a book I had been reading since the summer. It was recommended to me by a friend and I was not disappointed in the least!
The book is called Way of the Peaceful Warrior A Book That Changes Lives written by Dan Millman.
If anyone is looking for a great book to read over the holidays then this is just the ticket! I think that this novel can absolutely be appreciated by just about everyone no matter their interests, background or lifestyle. It is magical, captivating as well as inspirational. I don't want to say too much about the book because I think that it speaks for itself, so below is an excerpt of "advice" if you will that made a great impact on me.
"I wanted to whisper in people's ears, "Wake up! Wake up! Soon the person you believe you are will die- so now, wake up and be content with this knowledge:
There is no need to search; achievement leads to nowhere. It makes no difference at all, so just be happy now! Love is the only reality of the world, because it is all One, you see. And the only laws are paradox, humor and change. There is no problem, never was, and never will be. Release your struggle, let go of your mind, throw away your concerns, and relax into the world. No need to resist life; just do your best. Open your eyes and see that you are far more than you imagine. You are the world, you are the universe; you are yourself and everyone else, too! It's all the marvelous Play of God. Wake up, regain your humor. Don't worry, you are already free!"
I wanted to say it to everyone I met, but if I had, they might have considered me deranged or even dangerous. I knew the wisdom of silence."
So I hope that has made you at least slightly interested enough to look up the book! If not, well perhaps sooner or later it till find its way into your life one way or another!
Until next time.. be happy.
12.08.2009
Who am I?
Hi Everyone, or at least those still reading...
It has recently occurred to me at the comment of a friend that I haven't told you anything about myself since I began this blog. So I thought I would share a bit about myself for this time around.
Oh boy where to start..
I guess I could say first off that I think there are two parts to a person. The first part being how the person THINKS they are in their own head and the second part is how they ACTUALLY are in reality and when viewed (and let's face it "judged" in some way) by others.
I used to think I was many many things, and it wasn't until about my senior year of high school and into my first years of college that I realized I had myself all wrong. I used to think that I was completely normal and that I could never do any wrong. I also considered myself spontaneous and care-free. Looking back I think that all I had to do was experience more in life to realize that I did not have all the answers about life or myself. Over time I realized that every day is a new chance to learn and new chance to change and more importantly a new chance to become the person you want to be.
So maybe now you're wondering what did I learn about myself? Well I will tell you.
One of the first things I think I have to address is the fact that I am absolutely not normal. As to whether that is a good or bad thing remains to be seen (haha). I don't have a problem free family or a perfect life. I am definitely not care-free in fact I worry about a lot of things, most of them unnecessary, so that is definitely something that I am working on. I also learned that I can come off a certain way to people, which is not something that I'm sure a person can change being that you can't control other peoples minds--at least not yet. But, I think that the most important thing I have learned in all is what I actually want out of my life. You see, I used to be so materialistic and I wanted an independent, glamorous city lifestyle with lavish clothing, and parties and all I could see was me me me, nothing of real substance was in the picture. I knew my entire life plan from start to finish and god forbid it didn't happen exactly as I imagined it. While some of this is okay, extremes are usually never good. Since then, I have realized that life is so much more than all of that. And this next part might shock those of you who thought you knew me so well. I know I want to really live. I want to experience life and feel fulfilled. I want to experience new interests as often as possible. I want to be able to hike in the woods and clear my thoughts and travel to beautiful places all around the world. I want to share all of this with friends and a significant other. I don't want to live life with all the material possessions anyone could ever buy, and in the process sacrifice real happiness. I want to be able to go to bed at night with someone I care about, rather than alone no matter how gorgeous the space.
Because of this, it's fair for me to say I am always changing, always trying (at least) to improve and to know myself better so as of right now, these are somethings about me:
I love nature, music, art, traveling and conversations with people.
I'm a bit strange sometimes and quite enjoy making sound effects randomly.
I am passionate and I put my heart into things that I really believe in or love doing.
YES i DO have a nasty temper sometimes, but I'm trying to improve. I mean it.
I stress out beyond what I need to.
It bothers me when I can't understand someone or their way of thinking.
I try to be a good listener and offer advice from the heart, which has landed me in some less than desirable circumstances to say the least.
I have no idea what tomorrow will bring, or if I am ready, but I know I will try nonetheless
I want a career in fashion (i think) and thats why I go to to FIT in New York City. Either way it's an experience.
I love and hurt deeply and personally.
I don't know everything, but I'm always trying to learn more.
I believe that everything happens for a reason.
So I hope that this has been somewhat entertaining somehow and let you in a bit more on who I am..
Until Next Time... re-evaluate yourself.. you might just be surprised with what you find!
It has recently occurred to me at the comment of a friend that I haven't told you anything about myself since I began this blog. So I thought I would share a bit about myself for this time around.
Oh boy where to start..
I guess I could say first off that I think there are two parts to a person. The first part being how the person THINKS they are in their own head and the second part is how they ACTUALLY are in reality and when viewed (and let's face it "judged" in some way) by others.
I used to think I was many many things, and it wasn't until about my senior year of high school and into my first years of college that I realized I had myself all wrong. I used to think that I was completely normal and that I could never do any wrong. I also considered myself spontaneous and care-free. Looking back I think that all I had to do was experience more in life to realize that I did not have all the answers about life or myself. Over time I realized that every day is a new chance to learn and new chance to change and more importantly a new chance to become the person you want to be.
So maybe now you're wondering what did I learn about myself? Well I will tell you.
One of the first things I think I have to address is the fact that I am absolutely not normal. As to whether that is a good or bad thing remains to be seen (haha). I don't have a problem free family or a perfect life. I am definitely not care-free in fact I worry about a lot of things, most of them unnecessary, so that is definitely something that I am working on. I also learned that I can come off a certain way to people, which is not something that I'm sure a person can change being that you can't control other peoples minds--at least not yet. But, I think that the most important thing I have learned in all is what I actually want out of my life. You see, I used to be so materialistic and I wanted an independent, glamorous city lifestyle with lavish clothing, and parties and all I could see was me me me, nothing of real substance was in the picture. I knew my entire life plan from start to finish and god forbid it didn't happen exactly as I imagined it. While some of this is okay, extremes are usually never good. Since then, I have realized that life is so much more than all of that. And this next part might shock those of you who thought you knew me so well. I know I want to really live. I want to experience life and feel fulfilled. I want to experience new interests as often as possible. I want to be able to hike in the woods and clear my thoughts and travel to beautiful places all around the world. I want to share all of this with friends and a significant other. I don't want to live life with all the material possessions anyone could ever buy, and in the process sacrifice real happiness. I want to be able to go to bed at night with someone I care about, rather than alone no matter how gorgeous the space.
Because of this, it's fair for me to say I am always changing, always trying (at least) to improve and to know myself better so as of right now, these are somethings about me:
I love nature, music, art, traveling and conversations with people.
I'm a bit strange sometimes and quite enjoy making sound effects randomly.
I am passionate and I put my heart into things that I really believe in or love doing.
YES i DO have a nasty temper sometimes, but I'm trying to improve. I mean it.
I stress out beyond what I need to.
It bothers me when I can't understand someone or their way of thinking.
I try to be a good listener and offer advice from the heart, which has landed me in some less than desirable circumstances to say the least.
I have no idea what tomorrow will bring, or if I am ready, but I know I will try nonetheless
I want a career in fashion (i think) and thats why I go to to FIT in New York City. Either way it's an experience.
I love and hurt deeply and personally.
I don't know everything, but I'm always trying to learn more.
I believe that everything happens for a reason.
So I hope that this has been somewhat entertaining somehow and let you in a bit more on who I am..
Until Next Time... re-evaluate yourself.. you might just be surprised with what you find!
11.27.2009
To Jenna
Dear Jenna,
I have typed and deleted this page about 10 times now and I just can't seem to figure out how I want to write this to you it's so frustrating- I have backspaced and backspaced and backspaced, and I can't find words good enough, but I think you will know what I am trying to say anyway-- you always do.
We have been friends since fourth grade and we have experienced so incredibly much together that it feels like I have lived more than one lifetime with you. You are the greatest friend anyone could ever ask for. We've been through thick and thin together most of the time, but even when we were too busy being mad at each other what we have has never been lost.
I remember one time, I think it was the summer after 6th grade and we hadn't been close in over a year. I called you up and asked if you wanted to come over. You said sure and when you first got there it was so awkward. Neither of us could think of what we wanted to say to each other, but then before we knew it we were right back at it like we'd never even skipped a beat of our friendship.
That isn't the only time that that has happened either and that is something that I adore about our friendship. No matter how big the blowout (and we both know there has been some intense ones), or no matter how much time passes, and life changes once we are hanging out it's like no time has passed between us at all. I never worry about how it will be the next time I see you.
Over the years you have made me have more laughs--and laugh harder than anyone else I can think of! All the times we just made each other laugh just because we couldn't stop laughing even if it was over nothing. I'll never forget the time that my parents went away to Canada for the weekend and you came over and we (or more likely you) were making dinner and you were getting out the pan and I looked in the window just in time so see your refection while you lost your balance and fell backwards onto the floor. That must have been one of our hardest laughs ever!
As I'm sitting here writing this, all of our good times- and bad are coming back to me, and I think that's what is making it so hard to write this, because I want to write about everything! All of our memories! But I can't because if I did this blog would never end. So since you also know all the memories already, I think the best thing I can do is to keep this simple.
So Jenna, I want to thank you for everything you are and everything you have ever done for me. Thank you for being the most unbelievable friend. You have been there for me through it all- the good times and the laughs, as well as the times where I was just completely miserable. More importantly, through everything you never ever judged me. You always accept me as I am and I am so grateful to you for that! In fact, you make me a better person just by being who you are! I think it's also fair to say that you understand me better than anyone else in the entire world. I hope that we'll be friends till the very end :)
And because words just can't do it justice I just think back to the summer to the night where we looked at the stars from your porch and had the inside of your house groovin' and I know that that feeling and that experience is the product of our friendship!
Thank you so much for being there :)
Love,
Ailee
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